Friday, March 09, 2007

Don't be the psycho girlfriend!!!

Yes, it's hard. Relationships are very hard. How does a guy deem a girl as "psycho" when describing her to his next (yes I said it) girlfriend? When a guys says psycho, does he mean needy, whiny, temperamental, or moody? All of the above. How can a girl stop herself from being the psycho ex? Examine the list and see if you fall into any of the categories.

Let me count the ways ---


1- Call him more than 2xs a day and he hasn't called you once yet.

2- Tell him you miss him when you just saw him 5 minutes ago.

3- Ask him to come by and if he doesn't, you give him the silent treatment or worse, throw a temper tantrum.

4- Move in a few days or just a couple of weeks into the relationship.

5- Drunk dial him more than once a week.

6- Talk about your children together and you have been together less than a year.

7- Arrange his clothes drawers.

8- Do his laundry and you don't live together.

9- Don't want to go anywhere without him.

10- Are jealous of his friends and family.

11- Cry when he leaves you for the night or to go out with friends or family.

12- Call him repeatedly when he's out.

13- Expect him to let you know his every move.

14- Call him excessively at work.

15- Expect him to call you every day (GET REAL!!!)

16- Tell him you've talked to your therapist about him.

17- Tell him you just want to love him.

18- Tell him how he feels about you

19- Start using the word "we" when you are really talking about "you."

20- Don't listen to what he is saying and try to tell yourself what you think he means, and proceed to tell him.

I am sure I am missing loads more, please feel free to post your comments.


romance junkie said...

ha. i don't do most of these...though a few did ring too familiar in my past.

i'm pretty good at the assuming he should know how i feel and act the way i think he should...hence my drunk mini-temper tantrum on saturday night.

and now my having to do damage control. oh and forget about us altogether and pretend to be friends.

it's no wonder the guys i don't want never leave me alone.

The Doctor said...

Yes, that behavior subsides once you become more confident of yourself. I have exhibited some, not all of these behaviors. It's just about becoming less needy, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

Why do some guys use "psycho" to describe an ex? I've been called a psycho before and it took time for me to realize his definition of psycho was based on a very low tolerance for any feeling other than his own! I think that while every person has needs and have stories of how they learned the hard way how to express their needs, there is a very distinct line between being the girl from the bad breakup and the psycho! When it comes to being called a psycho, my question is this: What is HIS reference? My ex loved calling his exes psycho and ended up acting more psychotic than I ever did! Truly, he yelled, insulted me, rolled his eyes, sneered, and said things like "you never listen to me" and "you always talk over me" and my favorite "you never care about my feelings" and the ubiquitous "you are so stupid. Can't you just feel and not think all the time?" And his favorite insult moniker: "you are such a drama queen."

My last break up was filled with all this and more. He treated me to terrible behavior and then just stopped calling. In thinking we were in a bad patch, I give myself space and in a week, I call him. He does a dance of communicating and then . . . breaks up by text! I did as he asked: I didn't call him or text him until he used an ex friend's phone to pull me in a text conversation for hours! After I found out it was him, I was very angry and then I called him to leave a "please, please leave me alone" message. It was then that he went crazy on the accusation mode and started in on the insults! In the end, I was muzzled by his simple accusation "you are such a drama queen psycho and I am so happy without you in my life, I've had such peace without you blah, blah, blah." I was so surprised all I could do was stutter a bit and laugh a little. But I also started to look at my life and my habits and my past relationships. One thing is true: There IS more peace but it is in my life not his. And I know for a fact I behaved with more maturity than he did. The first to insult is the first to lose all credibility.

Sometimes being called a psycho is the best thing a jerk can call you, especially if by all accounts and in the perspective of rational mature persons you were NOT a psycho. In gaining that perspective, I was brutally honest to my friends and family (not leaving out any detail of my words, actions, behaviors.) And across the board I was absolved! But through that exercise of asking "am I really a psycho?" I learned so much about what I want that my ex did me a great favor!!!This experience made me realize that the drama was all in the very nature of our relationship and I was psychotic to think he would ever make me truly happy.

Anonymous said...

Well, I am really seeming like the psycho girlfriend/ex right now. I wasn't like this through the relationship, however. I feel like his actions are contributing to my negative behavior. He breaks up with me several times to beg me to get back only to tell me he's confused. He expects me to be there but doesn't call for several days. He tells me he wants to go to counseling but can't commit to a date. He tells me he is in love with me, but can't plan a date for next week. yes, i am turning into a psycho, freaking out, getting stressed, anxious and worried. I feel like the crazy girl. If he just dumped me and stuck with it, I would have moved on. Every time I try to move on-without calling him, he begs me back. who's the psycho here?

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Innes said...

It was interesting to hear other people point out that what they are told is 'psycho' behaviour is not always the case. I have found that women who smile sweetly, laugh at guys jokes, are great in bed and dont ask for their own needs to be met - always get called 'nice girls/sweet girls' where as the women who dont tolerate selfish / thoughtless behaviour and bring this up with guys are 'difficult/complicated'.
When women try and communicate in a rational and emotionally honest way men are at a loss for the most part - after lacking in reciprocal communication/affected a women is going to be hurt/frustrated and start to exhibit more extremem behavoiurs until the issues are addressed.

Of course - normal ladies know where to draw the line (flogging a dead horse) with a guy and some dont - there is where the 'psycho' line comes in - but men all to quickly accuse the women of being psycho when for the most part the guys lack of insight and commumication/thought has hurt or frustrated the women and led to 'drama queen' level.

If a guy is calling a women a 'psycho' before listening and addressing his own part in it all -he is the problem not her. Equally, if the women is not drawing the line in her own behaviour past a reasonable/hurt level - she may indeed need a little help to overcome her insecurity/needy etc issues.

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