And any other person who has the courage to knock on your door...
Jehovah Witnesses
1- Ok, you can do what my mother did when we were younger, which was to purchase a bumper sticker that basically said, "We are Catholic, and have our own beliefs...please do not knock on our door." Be warned - it's not very effective.
2- Play heavy metal music and answer the door in full Goth makeup and dress. Then, while holding your black candle, ask them if they'd like to join you in worshipping Satan.
3- Fight fire with fire and start quoting Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to their Scripture.
4- Seize the black briefcase and tell them you are part of a S.W.A.T. team and have to check the briefcase for weapons.
5- Ask them if they believe in the godfather of soul, James Brown.
Mormons
1- Have someone else in your house distract them while you go out and steal the front tires of their bikes.
2- Ask them if you can be one of their wives.
3- Tell them you would like to be a Mormon, but you don't like to sell flowers in the middle of the freeway.
4- Ask them if you can stand on the back of the bike and get a ride into town.
5- When you open the door say, "Thank you God! I was praying for a threesome!!!"
Salesmen/Census Takers
Run to the door and say, "Save yourself!!" and slam the door.
the IRS
Don't mess with them...ever!
Telemarketers
1- Interrupt their whole spiel.
2- Repeat everything they say in their pitch, and every statement thereafter.
3- Pretend you're deaf, and keep saying, "What?" until they yell at you. Then tell them you want to speak to their supervisor because they yelled at you.
4- Ask them if they can give you your ex-boyfriend's new phone number.
5- Bark throughout the whole phone call and explain, between barks, that you have Labrador's disease.
Jehovah Witnesses
1- Ok, you can do what my mother did when we were younger, which was to purchase a bumper sticker that basically said, "We are Catholic, and have our own beliefs...please do not knock on our door." Be warned - it's not very effective.
2- Play heavy metal music and answer the door in full Goth makeup and dress. Then, while holding your black candle, ask them if they'd like to join you in worshipping Satan.
3- Fight fire with fire and start quoting Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory to their Scripture.
4- Seize the black briefcase and tell them you are part of a S.W.A.T. team and have to check the briefcase for weapons.
5- Ask them if they believe in the godfather of soul, James Brown.
Mormons
1- Have someone else in your house distract them while you go out and steal the front tires of their bikes.
2- Ask them if you can be one of their wives.
3- Tell them you would like to be a Mormon, but you don't like to sell flowers in the middle of the freeway.
4- Ask them if you can stand on the back of the bike and get a ride into town.
5- When you open the door say, "Thank you God! I was praying for a threesome!!!"
Salesmen/Census Takers
Run to the door and say, "Save yourself!!" and slam the door.
the IRS
Don't mess with them...ever!
Telemarketers
1- Interrupt their whole spiel.
2- Repeat everything they say in their pitch, and every statement thereafter.
3- Pretend you're deaf, and keep saying, "What?" until they yell at you. Then tell them you want to speak to their supervisor because they yelled at you.
4- Ask them if they can give you your ex-boyfriend's new phone number.
5- Bark throughout the whole phone call and explain, between barks, that you have Labrador's disease.
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